Most of us accept that good parents and teachers instill into children that they can be anything they set their mind to when they grow up. Little kids will answer when prompted, that they plan to be astronauts, artists, rock stars, or some other fantastical idea of dreams realized.
Somewhere between those passionate declarations and the appropriate time to take steps towards chasing the dream, something changes.
The Truth
The truth usually resides somewhere between the chapters of our growth as we realize disappointment and failure. Often those same guiding and supportive adults become the voices of reason who urge us to consider adult realities such as health insurance and debt. Many times, we wake up one day and, deflated, may either find ourselves bobbing along listless or headstrong for the presumed form of a more secure success.
Lost Childhood Dreams
More and more, adults in their thirties and forties are acknowledging the grief they feel from giving up those early childhood dreams. The complications become even trickier when our inner realist points out how much harder aspects of adulthood ended up being.
The very gray realization that those dreams couldn’t have worked anyhow.
When I was a child my mother criticized the way I’d colored in a coloring book. Her words were cruel, which isn’t the point. The point is that before that moment I don’t remember how I felt about coloring. After that moment though, I remember not usually wanting to do it, while internally wishing that I could be a painter, a sketcher, a woman who grew to draw beautiful art. Decades later, I can still barely manage a stick figure and that internal whisper of a dream to bring visually beautiful things to fruition has not dimmed.
Could I have pursued it? Sure.
Did I? Very half-heartedly.
Seeds Planted, Yet We Water Them
Before my hand would even pick up the brush or pencil my mind had accepted that I was not capable of this task. The minimal effort I poured into learning was a testament to my internal belief that I was not qualified, so why try? Why invest myself in something I had no business doing and risk the failure hurting me? So, I didn’t.
We could analyze the trauma of a less than great motherly moment. In this instance, it is obvious that her reaction planted seeds that sprouted deep inside of little-girl-me.
It is so comfortable to follow trails to the culprits at blame, isn’t it? It is a little bit less so when we realize that though they planted the seeds, we are most often the ones found holding the watering can.
It feels safe and comfy to water those plants of self-limiting beliefs. We lie to ourselves, as they grow, about how much better this side of the rejection and the heartache truly is. We shutter our windows, and brick lay our walls… We whisper that those dreams of space, stage, or paint were not meant for us, and instead, we settle down with knitted throws and Netflix–safe, comfortable, and warm.
Playing It Safe
Some of us have emerged from some truly horrible events, events that shaped us into cautious and wounded people. I am sorry if this is you. A little bit, at the very least, I speculate this is all of us. The difference between the soul living in Paris painting her dreams into reality, and the rest of us is that we believed the lies that pruned our dreams before they had a chance to thrive.
A well-manicured garden may be glossy-magazine spread worthy. With the envy of garden owners around the globe, few people will see the amount of money, stress, time, and environmental costs associated with the behind-the-scenes truth. This is the image of those of us who chose the safe, self-limiting path–the 9-5 job, the health insurance, and 401k.
Remember Why – Where Magic Lives – The WILD
What of the denied whisper that is still there, beneath the evenings spent on our couches and the days spent in our offices? It is begging us to remember not only the dream we had but the why.
It was never about the dream to be the thing, but instead about the wildness to believe we could. It is in the wild, unkempt garden of flowers and vines where the magic of possibility lives. Perhaps our dreams of space exploration or musical theater weren’t meant to be… this does not mean we do not belong among the stars or center stage.
There is no quick or easy way to rid ourselves of self-limiting beliefs, we simply have to stop watering them and embrace our wild.
