One of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves is to shed the layers of things which no longer serve us. Though we believe there is a comfortable security in the possessions, traditions, and habits we fill our lives with– most of us have experienced the freedom found in letting go. Whether it is old junk, clothing that no longer fits, toxic relationships, or unrealistic expectations– letting go gives us the opportunity to fill that space with healthier choices.
Crossroad Reframe
Many times, we may have sat at a crossroad and tearfully stated how we wish we would have realized we were better off without ____________ much earlier. This is a normal way to feel when facing an unavoidable loss.
What if we could reframe the way we look at rejection, through the filter of letting go? Isn’t rejection the very gift we spend those dark moments wishing we’d had– that ability to know early on that something simply wasn’t right for us.
Rejection Alternatives
Let’s say an agent does not like your proposal… Does their rejection sting? Of course.
Does a one-star review of your work cut like a knife? Probably. These are normal feelings, in the moment. What if the alternative is that this rejection saved us for what could have been the worst possible agent for you, who may leave you in shambles with your career a mess, one day?
The lack of honest (even negative) reviews could lead to an inflated ego which wouldn’t do anyone any good. It is okay to realize not everyone will like us, or our work. This is reality. There is no world where every single person adores everything we do, and even if there was, we’d hate that too. It would be dull, there would be no personal challenge and therefore no personal growth.
Rejection cuts out the murky, messy middle. Rejection clarifies our path by showing us the things which are simply not for us. Rejection saves us the possibility of real agony down the road.
Mae Wagner, Author
Rejection cuts out the murky, messy middle. Rejection clarifies our path by showing us the things which are simply not for us. Rejection saves us the possibility of real agony down the road. Perhaps it’s uncomfortable to take this approach, but most often it’s the best things which live beyond our comfort zone.
It is the fear of rejection which holds us back more than anything else. The most uncomfortable part about this truth is that it is us who allows this fear so much power.
Healthy Rejection Perspective
Rejection is inevitable, so how can we move forward with a healthier perspective?
- We can realize that we are the ones who perceive the meaning. Rejection, in and of itself, is benign. It is us who assigns it a positive, negative or neutral reception. Our reaction may be deeply ingrained but we can change this. It may require more discipline, at first, but we can train ourselves to seek out the positive things attached to a particular rejection. Sometimes we have a macro-focus, too close to the situation, and finding our silver lining may feel impossible. This is when it pays to step back and remember that we are better off letting go of the things that no longer serve us.
- Choose to be mindful that every experience we live through contains teachable elements. Learn from the rejection. Sometimes there may be advice attached to help us sharpen our craft, and sometimes the lesson will be in the affirmation that we are better off disconnected from a particular opportunity or person. It is a lot easier to find our way when our paths get cleared of unnecessary detours.
- Believe that you and your art matter. There are people out there who need what you have to give. Any rejection only makes that coming together more possible.
The rejection only brings us down when we hold space to allow for that. We are taught that words like rejection and failure are defeating, but the truth is that it would be impossible to succeed at anything truly great without them.
